June 14 Update
Dear Friends and Family –
Once again the time has escaped me and I find I am sending out one of these updates much later than I had anticipated. For the most part, that is actually good news. My test results continue to come back in the normal range for my liver and kidney functions, indicating that my system is handling the chemo just fine. Also, this is a pretty good indication that the chemo is actually working and continuing to cause the tumors to shrink. In fact, my during my most recent physician appointment on Wednesday, June 11, our secondary physician, Jane McPherson (quality of life and pain management) believed that she had noticed a significant decrease in the size of the liver, which would be a tremendous relief.
Up until the last few days I’ve been in more pain than since the first few weeks (nothing compares with the first few weeks), so we’ve been wondering what’s going on. It’s a relief to have the tests coming back positive, so we’re hopeful that this is simply a continuing indication that the cancer is being killed off and the pain is just my liver trying to process the dead and dying material. I’ve got a follow up CT scan scheduled for a week from Monday to see if the tumors continue to shrink, and if they do, then we really will be continuing to experience more miracles. We’ve changed my pain management so that I’m actually taking less pain meds, but getting a continuous release of the dose. I don’t tend to get the “buzz” from my meds any more, but the pain is much better controlled, and since I really don’t want to get “buzzed”, this is a good thing.
The chemo itself continues to be a mixed bag. Just when I begin to think I’ve figured out how to manage the fatigue, I seem to be hit with another round, which is my major excuse for not keeping up with the blog. Plus, I’m trying to spend more time with my family and children, not to mention help Crystal move into this wonderful basement apartment my parents have provided us, so we’re keeping busy. I also had the opportunity to participate on a men’s cancer retreat through a group called www.ReelRecovery.org. They organized a combination fly-fishing / cancer support group for men currently suffering or recovering from cancer. It was a wonderful experience, and I’d encourage any of you who might want to help organizations that help men with cancer to check them out. They’ve promised to send pictures and other memorabilia from the retreat, so as soon as I receive those, I’ll make another posting so you all get a play-by-play review of the retreat. It was nice to get away for a while and focus only on fishing and learning from others – not on the fact that I’m in a daily struggle for my life.
More than anything, however, I continue to be amazed and grateful at the time I’ve been given. Although we are still dealing with so many unknowns regarding my treatment and the eventual outcome, I feel like I’ve been given an extra lease on life. I’m not in such great shape that I’m going to take up skydiving or most of the other activities that people talk and sing about doing when they realize they might not have very long to live, but I am grateful for the extra time I am getting to spend with my family. To plagiarize a corny line from “Star Wars”, “A death sentence is not an easy thing to live with”. Nevertheless, I’m discovering that it’s much better than the alternative. Besides, every week, every day brings good things along with the difficult – the trick has been to learn to focus on the good and minimize, as much as possible, the bad. I continue to work on accomplishing that goal.
With Love,
Matt
